Chapter 3
The mind-bending misery at Leadville convinced me I should consider professional help. My therapist told me to act my age. I decided to get a different professional opinion. That would be Sue Hefler of HPC*, who had successfully shepherded two MAMIL** friends (Il Padrino 2013 & Buckles 2019)*** to a sub 9hr, Big Buckle finish. She agreed to help me be a temporarily less fun/more fast version of myself. Training may not be fun, but Sue has a proven track record. At that time in early 2020, I had four months before Unbound 200.
First order of business involved an FTP test. Like all tests, one pays money to sit for an allotted period of time generating a metric that defines one's limits; intellectually or physiologically. The former doesn’t generally hurt but the latter always does. A tight fitting mask is placed around one's mouth/nose to measure the conversion of 02 to C02. The spinning resistance slowly ramps up in lockstep with one’s labored efforts. Gradual as a lobster boil. By the end, the buttered shellfish and one's battered legs are completely cooked. Some claim to enjoy the FTP test. Those people (Poptart)*** are self-delusional liars.
For my effort I was labeled with the following values: 37% Aerobic Efficiency, 62.8 ml/kg/min, 4.34 L/min VO2max, 242FTP and other numbers. I also noticed I posted an all time high unadulterated suffocating 1 min heart rate over 180bpm. FTW.
Two days later I raced MonsterCross (with Unbound up next). Two years (and multiple deferrals) later, here we are. Three other “warm-up” gravel races are in the bag (Dirty Kitten Gravel Race 2021, Gonzo's Torture Race 2021, MonsterCross 2022) and Unbound up next.
*Hefler Performance Coaching aka 'No-fun Sue'
**MAMIL: Middle Aged Men In Lycra, aka like-minded age-denying man-children who embrace arrested development usually with understanding long-suffering wives/partners/SO
***Steis, Edinger & “Langston” Wright’s names have been changed because that's what I do
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